


I Will Remember You

by JehBeeEh



Series: Ahead by a Century [16]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Good Boyfriend Tony Stark, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Sweet Tony Stark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 19:36:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21397537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JehBeeEh/pseuds/JehBeeEh
Summary: “How can I drop it; you know when my birthday is -" He was following Steve back to the main floor, determined to get his answer.“OK, that’s not fair. Everyone knows when your birthday is.” Steve was already putting on his shoes, just as determined as Tony was, but in his case, he wanted to get out of Dodge as fast as he could.“Fine, but still, I wanted to –““Tony, stop!” Steve had finally turned to look at him now. Tony stopped dead in his tracks as he was coming down the stairs. The hurt and sadness he saw in those beautiful blue eyes made his heart break. “Please, I’m asking you to let this go, ok? Please…” Steve asked quietly.“I - I'm sorry. I’ll drop it.” Tony answered.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Ahead by a Century [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514069
Comments: 18
Kudos: 241





	I Will Remember You

Coffee truly was the only redeeming feature of mornings. Maybe waking up next to a gorgeous, disheveled, adorable Steve was a close second, but coffee was at the top of the list… but then again, shirtless morning Steve… ok, maybe they were tied for first place. It did not change the fact that Tony hated mornings. A morning person he was not; never had been, never would be, and that was that. Of course, he had to fall in love with a crazy morning person. Seriously, who got out of bed before 9 am when they didn't have to?!

Tony grumbled the whole way to the main floor – from the time he rolled out of bed to the moment his ass touched the chair he sat on in Steve's kitchen. His head collapsed on his crossed arms on the kitchen table and he groaned some more. He did not move until he heard a mug being placed on the table just above his head and felt his fabulously amazing coffee bringing boyfriend place a soft kiss in his hair. And fine, maybe Steve held first place alone.

“Morning sunshine,” Steve said, the amusement in his voice evident as he sat across from the brunette.

“Not happy.” Tony mumbled, lifting his head just enough so only his eyes showed over his arms.

“I can see that. Dramatic much this morning?” Steve replied sipping on his own coffee.

“Why are we up so early? We have nothing on the books today. Could've stayed in bed a few more hours.”

“You have a conference call this morning, then nothing else. No one forced you to get up, you could have slept longer, I said I’d wake you up in time for your call. I told you though, weekdays, I get up early. Weekends are negotiable.”

“Crazy morning person.” Tony finally lifted his head completely, grabbing his coffee.

“I got lots done in the extra hour I’ve been up, stop complaining. Means we can spend more time together when you’re done work later.”

“Damn you and your logic.”

“Not just a pretty face, Stark.” Steve smirked.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, drinking coffee, Tony becoming slightly more human with every sip.

“What's this?” Tony asked noticing the open tablet on the table.

“Nothing exciting. Was just looking up races for the next year, see what I can register for. Wanted to have something to look forward to, as weird as that might be.” Steve grabbed the tablet and seemed to frown at it. Being unemployed was definitely starting to take its toll on the blond.

“It makes sense. I promise, you’ll have lots to look forward to next year though. Make sure you fix your age before you submit that one.” Tony commented before getting up to grab another mug of coffee.

“Huh?” Steve looked over the application. “Nope, it's fine.”

“I am fairly certain I remember how old you are Mister Youngin’. You’re 35.”

“No, 36. Pretty sure I am a better authority on my age than you.” Steve threw a smile at Tony, but the brunette noticed right away it was forced. “I’m going for a run. What time is your call at again?” Steve asked, obviously trying to change the topic, as he got up and headed for the stairs.

“Nu-uh! You are not getting off that easy. I very much remember us having this conversation, and you said you were 35.” Tony followed Steve up the stairs.

“We had that conversation in June, Tony.” Steve replied matter-of-factly, as he got changed.

“That means I missed your birthday? How could I have missed it! Stupid JARVIS must have forgotten to remind me.”

“Tony, can you please drop it? It is not JARVIS' fault, I just never told you, OK?” Steve sounded annoyed now, which didn’t happen often and Tony should have known better right then and there. He threw on his long sleeve running tee, and left the room, not looking at Tony.

“How can I drop it; you know when my birthday is -" He was following Steve back to the main floor, determined to get his answer.

“OK, that’s not fair. Everyone knows when your birthday is.” Steve was already putting on his shoes, just as determined as Tony was, but in his case, he wanted to get out of Dodge as fast as he could.

“Fine, but still, I wanted to –“

“Tony, stop!” Steve had finally turned to look at him now. Tony stopped dead in his tracks as he was coming down the stairs. The hurt and sadness he saw in those beautiful blue eyes made his heart break. “Please, I’m asking you to let this go, ok? Please…” Steve asked quietly.

“I - I'm sorry. I’ll drop it.” Tony answered.

“I should be back by the time your conference call is done.” Steve grabbed his phone and earphones. “Love you.” He gave a small smile to Tony before he left the house, not hearing the soft reply that left the brunette’s lips.

_What in the heck was that about…_ Tony wondered before heading back to the kitchen. Steve's birthday had come up in passing but Tony had never made a big deal about it ‘cause he didn’t think he’d missed it. He only pushed today because he felt so horrible for missing his first birthday with his boyfriend, and that kind of made him a bad partner, right? Why would Steve be so secretive about his birthday? Maybe it freaked him out just how much younger than Tony he was? But they'd talked about this, they were both fine with their age difference, that couldn’t be it. Ten-ish years wasn’t that bad, right? But, maybe it was starting to dawn on the blond just how much it would feel like a big difference the longer this went on. No, there had to be a better explanation. There had to be.

Tony's brain kept running through possibilities as he finished his coffee and had breakfast. Deciding he wouldn't get to the bottom of this on his own, he wrote a quick note for when Steve came back and went to the spare room where he'd set up a computer for days like today when he decided to work from home. Maybe going over some paperwork and emails before the call would help clear his mind.

* * *

“Wow. You look like shit!” May exclaimed as Steve walked in the café.

“Gee, thanks. Always knew I came here for the friendly service.” He answered, eyebrow raised.

“I'm sorry, but it’s true. I haven’t seen you in weeks, I’m allowed.” She narrowed her eyes at the blond.

“Sorry. Things have been busy and weird. Forgive me?” he offers his best puppy dog eyes, and a smile, knowing May would never stay mad too long.

“Of course, you are forgiven. Now, what can I get you?”

“One vanilla and one caramel latte, and a box of pastries. And can I get a chocolate donut while I wait, please?”

May hands him a plate with the donut just as he finishes asking. “Go sit, I’ll bring everything to you.” She winks at him as he finishes paying.

Steve sat with his donut and took his time picking it apart, delaying having to go back home.

“What did that poor donut do to you?” May asked, bringing his order and sitting in front of him. “Trouble with the Stark boy?”

“Boy?” Steve laughed. “Not really trouble, I just – I messed up this morning.”

“I'm sure it can't be that bad, Steve. If what Nat and James have told me is even half the truth, I’m not worried in the least. Just talk to him, sweetie. I’m sure he'll understand.”

“Thanks May.”

“How've you been holding up this week?” she asked softly, putting her hand over his.

“It's part of why I blew up this morning, so I guess not so great?” Steve admitted, squeezing her hand before taking another bite of his donut.

“I miss her too, kiddo. Talk to him, Steve. He'll understand. And can you please bring him over already? I want to meet the reason you never come see me anymore.” May winks at him before getting up.

“I will. I promise. And thanks for the advice. You’re the best.” Steve finished his donut and grabbed his order.

“Of course I’m the best! It’s why you keep coming back here.”

Steve laughed as he exited the café, thinking to himself just how much Tony would adore May. He made the short trek back home quickly, noticing how quiet the house was when he walked in. He kicked off his shoes and went to the kitchen, seeing Tony's note.

_In the office for the conference call, I’ll come down when it's done. Love you too. xoxo_

Steve looked at the time, figuring he had a few minutes to jump in the shower quickly before Tony was done. He peeked into the office before going to the ensuite. Tony was sitting at the desk, looking properly exasperated, his arms crossed, one hand over his eyes. Steve closed the door as quietly as he could so the noise wouldn't bother him.

When he came back downstairs 15 minutes later, Tony was sitting at the counter, the box of pastries open in front of him.

“The chocolate éclair is amazing.” Steve said as he sat down on the stool next to him.

“Noted!” Tony reached in to grab one before moving the box towards Steve. “How was your run?”

“It was good. I seem to have found the way to improve my time involves running when I'm upset…” He gave a sheepish smile to Tony. “I grabbed some lattes while I was out too, by the way, wasn’t sure if you'd want caramel or vanilla.”

“Vanilla is fine, thanks.” Tony smiled at him, placing a hand on Steve's thigh. “We don't have to talk about this, ok? I’m sorry I pushed; it was unfair of me.”

“I'm just not used to having someone... I want to talk to you about this, it's just hard.” Steve grabbed the caramel latte, taking a sip before getting up and moving towards the loving room, Tony following.

They sat on the couch, Steve turning towards Tony, not too sure where to start. He took another sip of his drink, brown eyes looking at him intently, but not rushing him.

“This week would have been my mom's birthday. And yes, I said week. She loved birthdays, and firmly believed we could celebrate it for as long as we wanted. When I turned 18, we celebrated for a month!” Steve laughed, remembering the craziness of that month. “She liked any reason to celebrate really, but birthdays especially. She was pretty sick her last birthday, so we didn’t really do much, I promised her we'd have a heck of a party the following year to make up for it… but that didn’t happen, cause she passed away 8 months later.” Steve sighed, and took another sip from his latte, not moving his eyes from the paper cup. “She passed away on July 4th. Which happens to be my birthday.”

“Steve, shit, I’m so sorry…” Tony shuffled closer to him and grabbed his free hand in his.

Steve shook his head, and rubbed his thumb over Tony’s hand. “You have nothing to apologize for. I didn’t tell you… You know what’s crazy, I didn’t even realize the date until we were at the funeral. The whole month before was a blur, and I knew we were getting close to July, but it didn’t register until I saw the date carved out… Bucky and Nat just didn’t know what to do with me after that. I was already a mess, and I just lost it even more then.

“Last year, for her birthday, Nat came over with cake. It was nice, but it was so weird not having her here, you know? I ended up getting so drunk and basically just crying on Nat's shoulder all night. Not my finest moment. I made her promise to ignore my birthday this year, Bucky too. She tried to get me to change my mind, especially after you came into the picture.” The blond looked up, locking eyes with Tony, blue eyes wet and so full of emotions. “I didn’t know how serious this whole thing was, and I didn’t want to freak you out. And then you told me you had to be away for the 4th on a business trip, and I was so relieved. I felt bad not telling you, but it was just easier to deal with it alone. I am sorry I didn’t tell you; I just didn’t want you to feel bad for not being here or anything, you know? I didn't want you to scare you off, or for you to feel obligated -"

“Hey, no, please don't think that, please,” Tony cut him off quickly, and opened his arms letting Steve crash into him. “Come here, sweetheart. I get it, it's ok. I’m not mad. I’m really not. I’m so sorry I pushed this morning, it wasn’t my place.” He leaned back, laying down onto the cushions with Steve cradled on his chest, kissing the top of his head, holding him tight. “I’m so sorry about this morning, baby. I shouldn't have pushed you like that. That was a douche move. I was being selfish, I’m so sorry.”

“It's ok. I could have avoided all of this if I was honest from the beginning. I just didn’t think you’d care this much about my birthday, you kinda caught me off guard this morning. And then, it made me more upset cause it was just another thing ma would have loved about you, and I really wish you could have met her. It seems to keep coming back to that, huh?”

“You never have to apologize for anything when it comes to grief. I am the poster child for how not to act in that situation, remember?” Steve chuckled a little and sunk into his hold more. “From year to year, I never know how I’ll react on my parents' birthdays or the anniversary of their death. The first years I just blocked it out, mostly I had no clue what day it was at any point in time, so it just kinda flew under the radar. Then, when I settled a bit it was hard, like I had years of pent up grief all crushing me in one go. But I had Pepper and Rhodey and that part wasn't so bad. Some years I ignore their phone calls, others we go out and have dinner and try to remember the better times. And, I’m telling you now, I have no idea how I’ll feel in a month or so, but I know if anyone gets it, it’ll be you. I wish you weren’t hurting like this too; I wish I could make it all better. There is something oddly comforting about knowing that you get it, though.”

“I love you,”

“Me too, sweetheart. So so much.” Tony kissed the top of his head. “When you decide if you want to do something for your mom's birthday this year, you say the word. If you want to be alone, I will leave for the day. If you want cake, I have someone on speed dial. Whatever you need, just tell me, ok?”

“I promise.” Steve pulled back. “Thanks for being so great. What did I do to deserve you?”

Tony smiled sweetly. “That's my line you know?” He brushed Steve's hair off his face. “Why don’t we go grab the rest of those pastries, snuggle on the couch, and binge watch some Netflix? And, we can order takeout for dinner.”

“That sounds perfect.” They sat back on the couch. “I have to ask though, why did you say you were being selfish earlier?”

“Well, it was going to be our first birthday together, I wanted to make it special. And, I started to worry you thought I was too old for you and that’s why birthdays and ages were freaking you out.” Tony looked sheepish, which melted Steve’s heard just a bit.

“What? You are not old. Well, not _that_ old, anyways.” Steve tried to contain his smile.

“Oh, is that right? You darn millennials, not appreciating your elders.” Tony replied playfully, happy to see the blond with a smile again.

“Oh please, I am barely a millennial. And you know just how much I appreciate you.” Steve leaned in for a kiss.

“Hmm. Maybe you can remind me later?”

“I’m sure we can arrange something. Come on _old man_, let’s get food.” Steve got up and ran away from Tony as fast as he could when he saw the look on the brunette’s face.

“OK, not cool, Rogers!” Tony yelled after him as he got up, running after the blond, both of them laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this one was a bit on the sad side, which is why I tried to get it to finish on something a bit lighter and funner - Hate trying to figure out where to end these sometimes (and lets not talk about summaries and tags...).
> 
> And, anyone else see Mr. Evans at Wired this weekend? Not gonna lie, had a good chuckle at that one ;) 
> 
> Have a great Monday. And, it is Remembrance Day in Canada, take a minute to remember, if you can. <3
> 
> This title is from the fantastic [ Sarah McLachlan ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSz16ngdsG0)


End file.
